Joke time

[Lone Star Stables]

Post a joke or something funny .. to lighten the forum up

[Lone Star Stables]

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.

He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."
His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."

[Lone Star Stables]

you might be a redneck if

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

[Star Of The Desert]

In a saloon in the old West, a large crowd of cowboys was drinking and carousing with the dance hall girls. In walked a greenhorn Easterner, a dry goods supplier from New York. He sat down at the bar and ordered a beer. Just then a boy ran in from outside through the swinging doors, completely out of breath. The crowd stopped what they were doing and stared at him.

“Big John’s in town,” the boy said, gasping.

In less than a minute, the entire crowd, except for the greenhorn, tumbling over one another, rushed out, including the bartender and everyone else who worked at the saloon, leaving the place completely empty and in disarray. The greenhorn realized that he should probably go, too. So he quickly downed the remainder of his beer, grabbed ahold of his sample case and started for the door.

Unfortunately, before he could reach it, another cowboy walked in, blocking his way. The man was huge, almost seven feet tall and muscular, with a face that was menacing, rugged and scarred. Hanging from his belt were two large six-shooters that had obviously seen plenty of action. The Easterner, frozen in fear, stood glued to the spot, unable to speak.

The huge man, towering over him, then glared at the greenhorn and said in a, deep, gravelly voice, “You drink with me.”

The greenhorn saw this as an order, not an invitation. So he walked over with the man, his heart pounding, fearing for his life, then sat down at the bar next to the cowboy, who then proceeded to pour each of them a whiskey. The massive cowpoke quickly downed his drink, wiped his face with his sleeve then stood up and started walking towards the door.

“Can’t stay,” he said, “ Big John’s in town.”

[Second To None]

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow."

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked, what happened and the man explained.

"Well, doc, it's like this--first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.

She then tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between her knees, but still nothing."

The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" The old man replied, "Yep, none of us could get the jar open."

[Trunoble Lodge]

Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of confined spaces is called claustrophobia, the fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic.

[Cold Dog Soup]

Saw this on facebook today. Figured I'd share it here.

A blind bunny and a blind snake bump into each other on the path.

"What kind of animal are you?" asks the snake.

"I really don't know," says the bunny. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"

So, the snake felt the bunny. "Well, you're soft and cuddly," said the snake. "You have long silky ears and a little fluffy tail. You must be a bunny!"

"Awesome!" says the bunny. "Now what kind of animal are you?"

"I really don't know," says the snake. "I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out?"

So, the bunny feels the snake all over, and he replies, "You're hard and cold, with a forked tongue and you haven't got any balls. You must be a lawyer!"

[Cold Dog Soup]

A lady was walking by King G's house and his parrot Echo was in the window.

The parrot says, "Hey Lady. You are really ugly." She scoffed and continued on her way.
Later that day she was on her way home and passed G's house again. Echo saw her and said, "Hey Lady. You are really ugly." She stormed off home.

The next day she passed G's house again. Echo saw her and said, "Hey Lady. You are really ugly." She had had enough went to the door knocked and when G answered the door she said, "If your parrot keeps insulting me. I'm going to kick your ass and kill that bird."
G replied, "Sorry he wont say it again.

Later that day she passed by the house again. Echo saw her and said. "Hey Lady,:

"Yes?" She replied.

And Echo said, "You know."

[King G Racing]

LMAO U dip